Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
