I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
