Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
