I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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