I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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