just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
