exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
