i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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