Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
