I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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