I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
