I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
