So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you had me at cake vodka
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
