got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course I have a pirate flag
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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