dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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