I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
