oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
