Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
