CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
