At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
