i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
