she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i now understand why vodka
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
