Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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