I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
