Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
