so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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