a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
