My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
