My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
