Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
