end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
