we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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