you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
