I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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