Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
