Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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