with your own penis?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
