i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
