Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
