Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
