why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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