sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
