I'm jealous of your bromance
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
