i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
