she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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