Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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