I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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