love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
