I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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