You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
