I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
