I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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