I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
