y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
vagina is talking i cant
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
